I'm still working on my "irony" post, so in the meantime, here's a link to a thread that you'll enjoy, assuming you enjoy this blog so far.
The details: an article was written by a man named Murray Chass criticizing a group of baseball bloggers for a post the group wrote, which to his mind has inexusable English and math errors. The following article comments then make the point that Mr Chass is a jerk and that he makes mistakes himself.
The fun part: the whole thing soon evolves (devolves?) into more than 100 comments on English usage, spelling and pronunciation, many of which are fairly entertaining. My favorite is the distinction in pronunciation between the three words Mary, merry, and marry, which I don't think was satisfactorily resolved. So anyway, enjoy.
Poets write things that are sometimes sublime, sometimes poignant, sometimes powerful, and mostly exaggerated. Her smile, which I'm sure is very beautiful and precious and even "radiant", can't really light up a room. Rooms are generally lit by overhead chandeliers or wall sconces. Shakespeare wrote a sonnet (130) that capitalizes on the fact that poetic compositions are usually exaggerations. The tendency to manipulate the language to say things that are provocative though not necessarily 100% accurate is called "poetic license".
Consider these two statements: (1) I'm so hungry I could eat an entire cow, hooves included! (2) I'm so hungry I could eat a hamburger with a side of fries, and maybe a piece of pie for dessert!
Clearly, the first example is a lot more interesting and entertaining, even if it's not 100% factual. It's obvious that no one could eat an entire cow, and the intent of the statement is to exaggerate the level of hunger in an interesting way. Still, someone who is especially naive might wonder if you could, in fact, eat a whole cow. That's why we came up with the phrase "figure of speech".* You could tell your naive friend, "No, I can't eat a cow. It's a figure of speech." Or, alternately, "No, I meant that figuratively."
The trouble appears when you have a statement like this: "I'm beat! I worked 48 hours straight this weekend!"
Did you actually work 48 hours straight, without sleeping, eating, or going to the bathroom? Or were you just exaggerating the fact that you had to work long hours for both days this weekend, maybe putting in 14 hours a day? Well, since you could conceivably work while eating and going to the bathroom, and you could conceivably stay awake for 48 hours, you could conceivably actually work for 48 hours straight. This is why we came up with the word literally, to differentiate from things that were said figuratively.* So, when your naive friend asks, "Did you mean that figuratively?" You can answer, "No, I literally stayed up for 48 hours to work on that merger. Now I'm off to bed. Wake me on Christmas." (At this point, your friend might be confused again, since today is December 23rd. Do you really want a whole day to sleep and then be woken up the next day, or were you exaggerating again?)
So, clearly, the word literally was invented to differentiate things said truthfully from things that were said with exaggeration and hyperbole.* So why is it that many people now use the word "literally" to emphasize things that are clearly figurative?
Consider the sentence: "I literally danced my butt off last night at the party." Really? Do you now have no butt? Is your butt somehow sitting in the corner at last night's party venue, where you tossed it after you literally danced it off?
The correct sentence would be: "I figuratively danced my butt off last night at the party." Now, I realize that most people don't talk that way. Maybe saying "figuratively" somehow cheapens the exaggeration by pointing it out, or even makes you sound like a dork.
Another choice would be to leave out the word completely: "I danced my butt off last night at the party." But this just doesn't seem enough, does it? I mean, you really want to emphasize how much you danced. But you can't use "emphasizedly", because, well, that just isn't a word. Luckily, there is a word that you can use for just such an occasion.
Consider: "I totally danced my butt off at the party last night." See? Hyperbole intact, no offending use of a word in direct contradiction to its meaning, and everyone knows you had a good time.
Of course, "totally" dropped out of style with the hip crowd, and so "literally" became this generation's "totally". This was perhaps not in a small part because they both have the same sort of cadence and end in "ally"*, resulting in quite an ironic choice as a substitute.
To sum up: The word literally should not be used for emphasis, for exaggeration or to introduce colorful turns of phrase. That is why we have the word figuratively. If you think "figuratively" waters down or "nerds up" the things you are saying, try "totally", which may be out of style but at least is not completely contradictory to your intended meaning.
Today's free donut: The literal video version of Total Eclipse of the Heart. (Notice how the new lyrics describe quite literally what is going on in the video.) This video is absurd in and of itself, and becomes even more so with the inclusion of literal lyrics. Enjoy!
*this may or may not have been how things developed historically
Now, of course I haven't viewed every single blog out there, so calling this the best blog ever does seem to be a bit of a hyperbole. And that's okay. What's not okay is calling this "literally" the best blog out there, because that word removes the statement from mere hyperbole into indesputable fact. And I don't think that's what anyone wants. I certainly don't.
Welcome to Literally the Best Blog Ever, where I will address offenses to the English language perpetrated (and perpetuated) by literally everyone you know. Hopefully these posts will be entertaining and educational. Maybe you already know all about all of the issues I will address. But maybe you will be surprised at times. Maybe reading this blog will allow you to write better emails, or blogs, or poems, or letters to your pen-pal. In any case, sit back, relax, and enjoy the free donuts. (See, I told you it was the best, didn't I?) Come for the donuts, stay for the language tips. Literally the Best.
